Sorry I haven't written for a while, in all honesty I don't know what to write. My mini break was really quite emotional and exhausting. It had made me open the box I had put away deep in my heart the day I left D. The one that I kept putting all the thoughts and feelings I didn't want to address or more, had time to over the past year in.
So much has changed and so it keeps changing. Just as I came back from my break D told me he was moving in with his girlfriend. It feels as if just as I process and heal from one major change, I'm dealt another and I just can't keep on top of it all.
I wrote a long post about EVERYTHING but I deleted it. Actually it was the best thing I could of done. I realised that if the box had a name on it, it would be betrayal. I have felt betrayed by everything that D has done the last year.
Being away from the boys meant I could open the box honestly, I was shocked that it bought out anger and frustration. I didn't sleep well the whole weekend and my days were spent thinking through every fine little detail of the last year.
It was draining.
On the last night of my break I found messaging D all of my thoughts and feelings really cathartic and healing. I'd let it all out, there was nothing left hiding in my box.
When I came back the next day I was free. It's finished. I'm ready to move forward.
