I've been giving out more cuddles than Diana did in her whole career, cleaning up milk sick and proper sick, the chunk kind.
This happened, might I add after a Chinese that I had be wanting for like my whole fucking life.
Then having to bribe my sick covered son into the bath at 10pm at night, by getting in as well! All the while him squeezing his arms around my neck, determined not to let go. Prizing his Pyjamas off of course he obviously wanted kept on-he was cold.
I'm trying not to gag. Meanwhile Mums fishing through the sick to figure out what he ate to see if he's allergic to anything and stripping the bed.
Then on little sleep and in between making sure I don't feel like a shitty Mama for not spending anytime with them, I'm cleaning our flat ready to get our deposit back on Tuesday! Hate moving and hate deposits!
*Sorry wait there while I cuddle Moo as he's woken up-he's too hot.*
*I've just winded Teddy-he's projectile vomited down my back.*
So I'm quickly scrolling down my Facebook feed, and there it is the photos I'd be preparing myself for...
D with his 'girlfriend' out partying hard, it's the first picture I've seen of them together. Obviously any other Mama reading this is gonna think prick. Yes right now at 1pm in the morning I'm thinking exactly the pissing same.
*Hang on I'm being called for another cuddle. Moo can't sleep, it's too windy, he HAS to sleep with Nana and Gra Gra...WINNING!*
*No he's back*
*He's asleep*
But then the heart stopper there they are with D's friends, all of them people I tried so hard to get along with for 12 years, partying like them, drinking like them, laughing like them, liking their music, determined to one day go to a festival-like them (unlikely), the list goes on.
But I wasn't like them.
I guess ultimately I just wanted to be accepted by them and by D.
For them to like me.
We moved often and so when I was back of course I wanted to spend time with my family. But the last three years have been hard. I've either been pregnant, had post baby body confidence battles, had a newborn baby or bringing up my baby's.
I haven't had the energy to party. I haven't had the time because if D was out I didn't have anyone to look after Moo!
Yes they have probably thought I haven't made the effort, that I've been rude and haven't bothered!
I always ask myself, am I jealous? Because I think it's such a horrible and dangerous emotion. But I'm not I'm just sad that I wasted my younger years trying to be someone I'm not.
By loosing D's friends I haven't lost anything, I've gained a better understanding of who I am, who I need to be and to stay true to myself.
And as for going out, I'll go out soon, the summer is fast approaching, I'll be back at work and hopefully Teddy will be sleeping better
And as one of my best work/Mama friends had promised 'I'm gunna get you kissed.'
I'll keep you posted on my kisses!
