How do you move on from a relationship that broke down and stay friends for the children?
It's becoming harder and harder for D and I to actually spend time alone with each other. Every time we see each other we argue.
Of course if we didn't have Teddy we wouldn't actually need to see each other at all. But I think it's so important for Teddy to have D in his life, the same way Moo does.
D has said he isn't sure if he could look after both the boys yet, while Teddy is so young. A lot of my friends see this a cop out, 'if you can do it why can't he?!' I actually believe that it takes a lot of guts and a huge gulp of pride to admit you can't handle a newborn and a toddler. I'd rather that than two upset boys who don't get the best of D!
Unfortunatly for D and I it means we have a really unusual situation to contend with.
What I'm finding works well at the moment is to be out some where like a playgroup or soft play. It keeps us distracted as we are busy looking after the boys-too busy to talk let alone bicker.
I wanted to stay amicable so badly for the boys, to have a good strong relationship with thier Papa.
But I'm afraid he holds a lot of deep resentment towards me still for leaving.
To D I think he feels that I have in some way made thier relationship less than it was when we lived together. And I resent the fact I feel he isn't there when I need him.
We both parent very differently, neither of us can understand the other.
Many single Mama's I have talked to are shocked at how much I have involved D. How flexible I am, insuring I invite him to anything fun we may be doing and letting him see the boys anytime.
But I think Moo is starting to become aware of an atmosphere that is sometimes created when D and I are together. That needs to change!
On the flip of that Teddy is comming out of his colic and screaming stage. And we are blessed with a very smiley, content boy who charms the pants off D. So there relationship is growing in leaps and bounds.
I hope we will come to some sort of compromise, maybe time is a healer and it will naturally get easier as the boys get older.
Eventually D will be able to take them both out together and then we will probably only need to see each other for picking and dropping off, school plays and birthday party's!
I'll keep you updated as much as I can!
