And tonight I cried...
Now first of all we had a full moon-that shit fucks everyone up!! I've seen SO many crazies on a full moon!
I also reckon my shitty periods due, I don't know defiantly because I'm shit at remembering when my last one was. But you know woman's instinct and all that!
Anyway the realisation fell on me again, how hard it's going to be on my own-emotionally. Everything is on me. The boys rely purely on me for all emotional support. And it drains you.
Today has been relentless, on top of a tough week of sickness.
I came to the realisation as well today I haven't had a day to myself for almost 6 months. No wonder I'm emotional. The hours turn into days and the weeks turn into months. I think I'm going to have to pull in a few favours and take a day 'off'.
I pick them up when they fall, I cuddle them tight when they feel insecure, I kiss them to make them feel content, I wipe away their tears as quickly as I can and hold them until their little hearts beat at the same pace as mine.
Its days like this I do miss D, I miss the good D the supportive one that would come and wrap his arms tightly around me and a kiss me on the forehead. Take Moo and let me have a few moments to get my shit together. I wish I could phone D up and vent and explode, but it's not the same anymore.
Our brains and our hearts are wonderful things, they make us forget the past pains so that we can survive and move on. Those tight cuddles and kisses with D were so few and far between in the end, that I'd forgotten until today they even ever happened.
Today I feel weak, but it's one day a month, tomorrow I will wake up with my period, go for a long walk with the boys, and I'll feel strong again.
